Why? Perhaps it’s because we can try so many things—there are so many avenues to choose from—it’s all too easy to forget what we’re looking for. We are confused. We think we’re hungry, so we grab for something to eat. We think we’re bored, so we buy a new toy. We think we’re out of touch (good thinking!), so we go to a spiritual retreat (for the weekend, then on Monday we’re right back where we started). We grab for quick fixes and nothing sticks. Why? Because we don’t realize that what we are yearning for is more integral to our being than any cosmetic improvement can provide.

As I’ve watched coaching clients piece together the meaningful aspects of their lives, it’s been a challenge to help them decipher how to measure meaning. What makes a meaningful relationship with another person? What constitutes meaningful work? Who decides something is meaningful? Is it what is said or done, or rather, how it makes us feel?

I’d answer that meaning is something we feel more than something we do. Meaning is a state of consciousness. It comes tumbling forth from connection— to ourselves, each other, the earth, spirit, work, or even an inanimate object.

A necklace is not meaningful in itself, but when we connect with the time, place, and person who gave it to us, it takes on a new specialness. It takes on meaning. It enters our consciousness as something precious that we will take care with.

In the empty, white loft I felt connected to myself (versus my pain) for the first time in a long time and I could feel my connection to others even though the place was empty. Meaning was coming into focus. I could feel the hope of the people who would be walking through those doors and I could also feel their pain and frustration. I experienced their innocence as people who did not ask to be ill, but had to navigate that reality. The compassion of the counselors, therapists, and body workers who were poised to serve there was knocking at my own heart as well. The melting of my own armor of numbness was immediate as I allowed myself to connect with the intention to heal that this white space was imbued with. All it took to feel alive with meaning and purpose was that shift in my consciousness. Sustaining that has been a long journey of ups and downs, but once I felt the shift, I’ve always known how to get it back when I’ve lost it.

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